Hi Jeppy,
I totally know the hell you are going though. I lived it myself. I went to a 30 day inpatient treatment center to dry out and detox because I just simply could not stop on my own. It was there that they spoon fed me AA and took me to meetings. It helped once I got out to have that foundation, and gave me the fortitude to go to meetings on my own once I got out. Not sure if that is a possible route you may be interested in taking. It has worked for me. I am coming up on 16 months sober.
It was terrifying to go to the meetings by myself at first. I would cry in the parking lot before dragging myself in there. However, I was so desperate to not go back to drinking and living the way that I was. I knew that I would surely die if I kept going down the path I was on. So I just found a meeting close to home, and kept showing up everyday. Too shy and too scared to talk to anyone. But something happened as I kept coming back... Some of them started talking to me instead, and cared about me and made me realize that I was not alone and they were like me. Slowly but surely I began to not feel so afraid anymore. I have found that life can be totally amazing as a young sober adult. I have great sober friends now, fellowship, peace, and most of all freedom from the grip that alcohol had on me. There is an answer, and I have found it in the rooms of AA. You can do it too ❤️