Aww JBean I hear you! Sounds like you've made it through at least a first day. Maybe you can make it through another (and another and so on?). Easier said than done, right? Also hope you can find community you need. This site seems so helpful and positive. I wish there was an app so I could check in at work while anticipating the night ahead. I hope you can find your way to a less stressed place. I'm no expert so I'll just say what I've been telling my own addled mind, which is that it hasn't exactly helped me all that much and I've had plenty of 100s of days with drinking but for over a decade unless I was cooking a baby or in the middle of nursing I haven't had any without. I want to know what it feels like. I've also discovered this whole new world called PODCASTS. I hated listening to anything but found my way to a series called Home. If you commute I highly recommend it.
Sending love and support!