Welcome to SD!
Another old timer here at 55 yrs young. I joined AA in 2004 and remained sober for 11 wonderful years. Being so much younger and healthier then, I had found my bottom emotionally and spiritually drained and it was more a concentration on Self and Life on Life’s Terms through AA.
Relapsed ~2 years ago. With Just One Drink. This time, my bottom was not only an emotional and spiritual void, but the scary, physical toll it was taking on me hit home. I’m past menopause. I’m older . I’m physiologically different than before and alcohol was doing what it does best: harmful REAL damage to my skin, liver, pancreas, kidneys, water retention, and at a cellular level. Googled all of the possible damage of alcoholic hepatitis, cirrhosis and end stage liver failure, as this was the reality of my fate if I continued to drink even one drink. Even just one because, through my relapse, I learned that I couldn’t control my drinking and I was finally back to where I was last time (look up kindling effect). My youngest is only 13 years old and I was killing myself physically with alcohol...I’m not ready to die yet.
Keep coming back, work hard on yourself and the ‘whys’. Reach out for support and find a program that works for you. You got this, 24 hours at a time. For me, I look at it as I have 20 total 24 hour periods of time. Keep coming back, there’s a wealth of knowledge, common sense and love at SD!