Welcome, Munky - we're so glad to have you with us. This is a friendly & encouraging place.
I struggled with it too - for many years. I was determined to use will power to control how much I drank. It took me a long time to realize that every time it was in my system there was no way to predict what might happen. Sometimes I led myself into dangerous situations - like driving after drinking. All the things I swore I'd never do - I ended up doing while under the influence. It was such a relief to get free of it. It can be done - stay with us.