You sound great Jewel! I found when I kept my energy focused on myself, kept making the next right decision for ME that everything else in my life started to fall into place. It's a long journey but so worth it!
I'm glad you are reading the book. If you are a book reader, another one I found helpful was, Why does he do that? - a real eye opener for me. I can't recommend the AlAnon daily readers enough, One Day At A Time, Courage to Change and the book Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage.
I don't know the dynamics between you and your spouse or your children, I know for me, these were books I kept hidden and read when I was alone because I know there would be a huge blowup if they were discovered.
Keep posting and reaching out when you need it - there are so many experienced people on this board.
GM