"Hello - In about an hour I'm going to my first Alanon mtg."
∆∆∆∆
Great! This is a great thing to do for yourself. I hope the meeting provided you with some sense of support and some insight into how alcoholism affects family members. If by chance you felt a little uncomfortable, (not uncommon), please go back a couple more times or try another meeting.
"Now that he's working on his sobriety I am suddenly the root cause of all his problems? "
^^^^
Ummmmmmm. Wrong! You did not CAUSE his alcoholism!
Nope. No Way!!
" I know life isn't fair but this is just cruel"
^^^^
Yes, the way he is treating you IS cruel.
Sadly, a lot of alcoholics treat their loved ones poorly.
Whether they are drinking - OR Not.
(Sometimes their behavior is worse when not drinking, especially if they have no coping skills, other than drinking.)
Also, not ALL A's treat their loved ones poorly.
(By the way, even non-alcoholics can be cruel.........)
It sounds like your RAH is not going to be living with you - at least right now.
IMO - this would be a perfect time for you to learn as much as you can about the disease, and to get as much help for yourself, (Alanon, counseling, etc.), Learn about yourself - and how to take care of yourself and your kids. Definitely try to get some type of support system.
Jewel, your kids need at least ONE healthy, loving parent, physically and emotionally.
Stepping into that Alanon room, coming here to SR and taking good care of yourself can help make YOU the parent they need and deserve.
Best wishes to you.