Jewelstar, good on you for reaching out and going to your first meeting! When I first started attending I was consumed with the "why's" - Why was he doing this, that or the other. A very wise woman told me after a meeting when I was berating her with my daily on slot of why's calmly looked me in the face and told me, "Because he is sick and that is what they do."
And she was right, the more I learned about addiction/alcoholism and with the wisdom of the program and daily readers I was able to slowly (turtle pace!) shift that focus from why he would be doing what they do - to my own recovery. The book co-dependent no more also helped me immensely.
GM