Jewelstar.....Congratualtions on going to your first alanon meeting.....you need that support....
I am giving you the following link to a website that I think will be beneficial to you. Y ou need to know your rights--and, you DO have rights! Even if you don't take action, right now...just knowing your rights tends to give a layer of confidence and security.....knowledge is power.
The website is educational in nature..and I not meant to substitute for your own lawyer..but, it can help you to organize your thoughts and to know what questions you need to ask a lawyer.....
It sounds, to me, like he already has o ne leg out of the marriage, in his mind...what with the cheating and the probable rekindling of that relationship...focusing on his looks...and, laying lots of blame onto you.....
You need to take care of yourself and your kids....first priority.....
If he wants "space"....by all means...give him that space. Insist on that he have the space...without you in it....because, it will take him a minimum of one year to grab onto a recovery program...but, more likely 2 or 3yrs. (early recovery period)....
And, it is going to take you time to begin your recovery....you need that space as much as he does....
If I were you, I would look into getting a legal separation.....that way, he can't just dangle you on the end of a string......
Get your voice...take your power.....