Sitting with feelings
It really is interesting how much I used to cover up my feelings with alcohol, but I didn't even realize it. I was very upset about something this morning and I instinctively got up to get some wine. At only 36 days sober, this instinct is still there 100%. Clearly, those neural pathways haven't rusted over yet. Of course, I didn't have any wine and wouldn't have drank it anyway, but I didn't realize that this was something I had been doing while drinking. I had thought I was drinking just because I WANTED to, not because I was trying not to have to FEEL. So, today I instead did what the Recovery books say, I exercised and made myself some tea and read a bit... Sadly, none of these things cover up your feelings in the same way. Obviously, this is good, you're forced to work through these feelings. It's disappointing though (to my alcoholic mind) that I'll never have that escape again, even though I'm just now realizing it was an amazing escape. I'm kind of mourning it. Anyway. I wonder if non-alcoholics ever use it to escape, or the fact someone does is a sign of alcoholism?