Congrats on your Day 3 Professor.
Yes, quite a few false starts before I crashed & burned so badly I could no longer pretend I had any control. Once I had 3 yrs. & still managed to tell myself I could still have 'a couple' if I used enough willpower. I often wish I'd kept a journal & recorded all the misery, confusion, dangerous things I did while under the influence. My selective memory told me it was fun, relaxing, rewarding, etc. - as PalmerSage mentioned.