Hi Fiona
I could have written what you shared word for word.
I know how you feel.
But I also know from experience as I'm sure you do drinking or using or whatever the hell we do to escape just amplifies our insecurities.
It's a new focus for me that I'm trying to develop and it will take time.
I've been very sick with addiction for a long time but I'm here to change that.
People sometimes warm my heart
People sometimes grate me to the bone
I seem to have been born with a few layers of protection missing
I take so much personally and then it has a conference in my head for days on end.
I'm convinced though absolutely 100% convinced that if i/we/you engage with esteemable character building activities
(And I know it's scary I retreat to my shell way too often.) That we will develop the extra layers of strength and protection that we mistakenly search for in our addictions.
I mean it's such a muddled life getting loaded.
For me it crushes my self esteem increases my inferiority and makes me detest people when in reality I am detesting only me.
This is a good community here.
Some great inspiring people.
I hope you stay!
But I need to a lot more beside coming here
I'm currently putting that together in my own life.
G