Hello,
So today is day 16. Today I woke up "early" 10:20A I spent my day filling out applications online.
Then I walked to a little cafe in my chilhood hometown at 2pm. Its really a townie restaurant
that specializes in breakfast. It felt so nice to get out. Since I associate this restaurant with breakfast I thought be nice to be waited on and get a bite to eat.
They must of obtained a liquor license because they had a full bar
on the shelf as well as wine/beer.
Well I had no intention to drink I wanted bacon and eggs.
My addicted brain grabs the "drink list" right away.
I had no physical desire to drink. I had no taste for it in my mouth.
My stomach even got a bit nauseated for a taste of the drink.
But my mind goes right at it..."wow they sell xyz . Its nice and cozy in here and a drink will sure take away the boredom. Don't squander this chance to drink , you are not working , there is plenty of time to quit when you find a job, your Dad won't notice. The boyfriend won't see you so he will never know. You can't get to smashed here but you can always walk a mile up the street to the other restaurant . blah blah blah
This is just absolutely insane I am actually talking myself into a drink and I am doing it when I am not craving/anxious/upset or alcohol sick.
Blows my mind that its just such even a forceful habit to me at time.
I did think it through and I think at the point of you can always walk
up the street a mile I knew in my heart my AV was all ready planning the drink after the first two drinks if that makes sense.
I ended up ordering a diet coke- I was thirsty.. Grabbed a coffee on the way home and ended up in a hot bath.
I have been watching TV and reading this site for hours.
Tomorrow is a new day. My goal is to stay sober tomorrow .
I know I get intense cravings and talk myself down. Not digging this not craving and talking myself into it ?
