RedAndy

Last few months have been horrendous, struggling with depression and anxiety and off work since walking out unable to cope mid September, took an overdose at the start of October and have found myself in limbo after Home based Mental health team signed me over to Primary Care late November as a bit of a wait for psychologist appointment, hoping to get it through soon.

I know with my mental state drinking on it not the best idea but after starting again after 20 months sobriety it has felt like a slight relief every now and then and desperately wanted to be able to drink normally, not regularly and limited to 4 pints - that’s until Christmas came and with the drink in the house let’s just say moderation was the last thing on my mind - also started hiding drinks and sneaking / lying which had become a thing of the past - like I’d lit the touch paper again but could definitely see this was going to be a progression if I don’t do something about it - If I’m totally honest I knew it was inevitable this would happen before I picked that first drink up and can’t say I wasn’t told the same - I need to face facts that I never have drank normally and never will - my state of mind can’t cope with it but I just wanted to escape, it’s still there tho and there is no escape, I’m willing to accept I am powerless over alcohol. Fact is I genuinely feel I can’t live with it and can’t live without it - completely lost in my own mind.

With the delay in mental health appointments and still unable to work but isolating myself massively, finding it extremely difficult to speak to anyone, even reaching out on here. I made contact with alcohol services I was under previously and back into service also suggested I give AA another shot, willing to try anything as I really do need help in getting my head together - it’s a mess in there right now, attending meetings everyday (2 tomorrow) even with anxiety going thro the roof and got myself a sponsor today so starting step work straight away.

Had 650 days but now back on Day 4.