Glad you are here. And thank you for your service.
Internal battles, so to speak, have seemed tougher for me at times than the ones I have waged in external areas like career, etc. You are at a great turning point to make the leap into recovery. As an AA person, I had to (finally) make that choice and go completely committed to the steps and working with a sponsor. It saved my life and my program guides me, and all of my actions and decisions, every day.
Hope you stay with us. You can be a warrior in recovery and find a new life. That's how I think of us, as the warriors who choose to survive and thrive over our disease. We are the fortunate ones.
Best to you.