Horn95

Hi all,

I had been doing so well. And then for no particular reason, I thought I would “enjoy” the “holidays”. You know the story. I couldn’t stop after the holidays. I am lying to my wife and kids about drinking again. It has to STOP. I HATE THIS. I told my wife I am an alcoholic. She said, no, you just need to control it. This after going through detox.

She does not want to believe I have the addiction. But i do. And I am sitting ina Starbucks parking lot waiting for the AA meeting. I want so badly off of this squirrel cage. The fits and starts are driving me insane.

This is not about my wife. She believes in me. My adolescent kids know I have a problem, but they believe in Daddy.

I am at rock bottom. The only thing I. An think of is to suck down some coffee and go to a meeting. I am hanging by a thread. I am NOT a failure. But I have not been successful at sobriety.

Everything I want, everything I am capable of demands sobriety. And yet, here I am.

I do lot know what else to say. I may speak tonight. But this has to end. I have tried to fit this in with all the things I do. But it can no longer “fit”. It has to be the primary thing I do.

I have conquered a lot in my life. I was United States Marine Corps Infantry. First Gulf War. Honors graduate from a great school. Graduate school. Great career. But one thing is my ultimate nemesis—- alcohol.

There are so many just on this board who have done what I have not been able to do. Stay sober. I am not a failure. I am a man pushing a rock up a hill, but it is SOOOOO heavy. And I am tired.


So please send me your strength. I need it.