This is a very similar cycle to mine. Months of sobriety and then a relapse and 2-3 day bender.
Then all the guilt, regret, panic, anxiety, depression, etc. (at least for me there is).
I have been in this position. On the thoughts of recovery. I get where you are coming from, there must be some upside from many months sober, right?
Well, I would suggest that there is as you have demonstrated to yourself that you can indeed lead a sober life. So there is that knowledge, at least.
The only issue you have to overcome is the weakness into the relapses. I would describe it as solid progress but some tinkering and refinement required.
All the best.