In early sobriety I went to an alcohol counsellor who said I needed to understand that people in AA are not my friends and that I will make some new ones but not there. I had no idea what he meant and felt put out. Fast forward to six years Dover when I went out again and within a week my sponsor had dropped me and none of my AA ‘friends’ would meet me fir a coffee let alone the usual chars in the phone. Obviously at the time I was heart broken and lonely, tbh I then went into the relapse full steam ahead coupled with ‘for us to drink us to die’ I thought well if I’m alone and will be soon dead f*** it! BIG MISTAKE!
After two years I started seeing a counsellor and asking for help away from AA and blow me I’ve actually been happy insobriety this time, happy go figure?! Now I’ve got friend who would care if I drink or not, the friendship doesn’t come with conditions, who would have thought that! I haven’t got any resentments to AA or the people there as it isn’t their fault like they say throw a drowning man a life ring and he’s going to cling to it, or do whatever you tell him to do!
If you are going back to AA and why not it either before I would suggest that you look to the program much like if you had to go to a church but didn’t get on with the crowd, you are there to get closer to God primarily?! Also look for different meetings where your usual crowd don’t go if you can. I’m sorry you are in this situation and if I could rewind to years ago as soon as I took a drink after all those years I would never have walked into AA and been honest about it, best thing to do would to have been keep my mouth shut and try and work through it because fir people that already have a heap of shamed to feel shamed in the one place you thought you were safe cab be disastrous.
I hope this cloud has a silver lining fir you like it did for me and your HP has sent you back out again for a reason like he did for me. I never dreamed I could be this person and feel a part of a support group bigger than AA called society
Good luck my friend.