Babescake...let me explain something from the other side of the coin. Before I divorced my now X husband, I spent 18 years supporting him, cheering him on, begging for him to get help. At some point, I had to focus on my children and what was best for them, and for me. So when my XAH sucked up THOUSANDS of dollars through legal fees, rehabs, etc, I was left holding onto life. Getting our very fragile children through it. Trying to explain it all while trying not to have a nervous breakdown myself. Being the mother, and the father. Being responsible for everything and everyone.
When asked why he drinks, my XAH floored me by admitting to the counselor, in front of me, that sometimes he is just bored or keyed up and needs to drink. That is CHOICE. A choice that has nearly taken me and my children down the rabbit hole with him.
What he could do, but chooses not to, is to continue therapy. To actually go and get meaningful help, and not expect everyone else to fix everything for him. To ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY for the fallout of what he has caused, and be willing to work on himself to change the future with his children.
I cannot control him, nor do I want to. The only reason I even get involved is because we have two AMAZING kids together. These kids still hurt all the time because of his selfish and irresponsible behaviors.
Expecting to come to this forum, with people who have suffered from the affects of addiction, and even more importantly, watched their children suffer, over and over, is something you have to be sensitive to. When you bring children into this world, they become #1. Over you, over your husband, over your needs and wants. If a person will do what is good for their children, every single time, it won't lead them astray.
I wish you well, and I hope you put everything you have into your own recovery.
Originally Posted by
Babescake 
Based on those posts what is the point in rehab? Nobody wants to be this way. I don't expect sympathy as I got railed on the last time I posted here. But seeing this is a RECOVERY website, why the continued putdown? Just the fact an addict/alcoholic WANTS to get help should be celebrated. Not roll your eyes and live your lives. Especially if you have kids. Genetics is a huge factor, and I ask my husband about it. "We'll deal with it if it occurs." He doesn't think our very sensitive and emotionally immature son (believe me I know), needs therapy while I go to rehab or that he needs to learn about alcoholism. Ban me from his life is the cure. He's a tough boy, he'll get through it. BS.
As the one going through the diseases, I think it is VITAL to have a partner on board that recognizes behaviors. My partner believes alcoholism is a choice and doesn't support my recovery in any kind. I've mentioned therapy for my son and he says no. He also refuses therapy for himself. In the past, while suicidal before kids, I was called out for "crying for attention" and he has been very against my depression. Doesn't get it. "Just deal with it."
Nobody can change the path I've taken. I have to deal with my depression, rape, alcoholism all on my own. But it DOES make a difference when you have support. And, as a woman, never getting that has ruined my self-esteem. No
or whatever, but it is pretty common. And if nobody thinks that isn't a contributor to addiction or plays a part, then you're wrong.