wagster

I'm having a really hard time with my wife right now, or she's having a really hard time with me. Probably both. Definitely both. This has been going on for six years. Six. Years. I've been clean for four. I am at fault for nursing all the hurt and resentment over the years. Somehow I'm not dealing with this in the right way. She drives me absolutely crazy - any time we disagree she will move straight to the same position: you are wrong because you haven't recovered yet. This is extremely unhelpful and doesn't ever resolve anything, it makes me really angry. Because I don't have any way to express this anger it has turned into a seeping resentment and bitterness. It comes out in my body language and expressions even if I don't voice it. If I even try to bring up how impossible this makes things, the answer is the same and I have been told categorically will always be the same: you have to rehabilitate or get out.

It feels like I'm facing a brick wall here and there's no possibility of dialogue. I'm lonely.

I know in recovery it is important for me to look at my own faults, not those of others which is why I'm trying to see how I've nursed all the hurt and served it back up - which is a terrible thing to do and no way to live, but I don't know how to deal with how incredibly hurt I am by her constant blame and unwillingness to listen.

I don't want a divorce. I went through that as a child and am not willing to put my own wonderful children through the same ordeal, even if I have to go through a lot of pain myself to get through this.

Help.