Getting Honest and leaving 2017 behind.
Without going into a huge long back story, I just had to get really brutally honest about some big lies and manipulations that I've been engaging in.
I had to get honest because I can't live with myself as this immoral and dishonest human being when I'm sober. I can't live the way I lived in my drinking life as a sober person. I have to be free and learn now to live differently. This isn't an excuse, but it's just so new to me. It's like I don't even know how to live a truthful and moral existence. But I think today, as hard and as heart wrenching as it was, was a step in the right direction.
I probably just ended my closest relationships, as they will never trust me again, and I feel really alone and really scared.
I thought this would make me feel free, but I just feel like a horrible and disgusting human being.
Of course my AV wants me to drink over it but I won't. I already just faced my worst demons. It couldn't make a single thing better.