Originally Posted by
Berrybean 
Sobriety and recovery are two different things. We need to be sober to work on our recovery, and recovery is us learning new and better ways of dealing with life on life's terms. Including working through past hurts and resentments against those who hurt or angered us, and dealing with the things we did to harm ourselves and others. It's amazingly freeing, and is what makes sobriety bearable, sustainable, and eventually preferable. But it doesn't happen overnight.
I tried to access counseling before working in my recovery and it just was impossible. I wasn't able to be honest with the counsellor, and just told her all the bits that I had no part in. And of course, taking other people's inventory doesn't get any of us well. It was MY part that kept me awake at night. MY part that made me hate myself. MY part that my AV used as leverage every time - playing on my shame and fear. Since doing 12-step work I have been able to get a new counsellor to help me work through the issues I had around some abuse that I need specific help to work through - and because of that recovery work I have been able to be honest enough to speak openly and without terror of judgement with my counsellor, and it's going much better this time.
I would suggest getting some support. AA meetings are available everywhere, even if you end up accessing them online. Women only meetings if you prefer and feel safer in a female only environment initially. It would be a rare university anywhere in the world that doesn't have student counselling available. Please don't let fear and shame stop you from reaching out.
In the meantime,please tip away the rest of the wine. It is no real solution. The relief you will get from it will be extremely short term, and before you know it you'll be back to exactly where you were before you stopped. I know that last night it wasn't alcohol you took but smoking soft drugs, but this would still have fed your AV and given it renewed impotus. Please stop feeding the beast.
Sobriety. Recovery. Counselling. That's a much more positive plan, even if it is a long term rather than short term solution.
BB