Gotta life, you said it right there for me: it's impossible to establish a healthy relationship with him as an active alcoholic.
I want to believe he will start to examine his drinking and stop once he retires and doesn't have to be inundated with it, as a wine maker. But tonight, as I said, I learned he is still far-removed from the notion that his drinking is a problem. That, or it stops there and the drinking persists.
It's going to hurt, but maybe that's ultimately what needs to happen. Some hurt and loss to make him wake up.