Ultimatum to a parent
Hello everyone.
This is my first post to this site even though I have been signed up for some time on here. My short story to tell is about my mom. A sweet woman who loves everyone with more heart than she has to give, and has a strong relationship with her faith. However for more than 20 years she has been an alcoholic something that I really came to understand only about 5 years ago. I always knew something was up but never knew what until my dad finally told me. I dont truly understand where her addiction stemmed from, my dad says its just from not having life turn out they way she may have imagined it financially.
Fast forward to about 2 years ago I expressed my concerns to my dad as I stared to date my now wife that this would become a problem again as my then girlfriend was starting to notice something was up with her. My wife does not have a mother any more, she passed away some years ago from early onset alzheimer's. My wife very much struggled with the fact that she lost her mom to a uncontrollable disease where mine is causing herself her own degradation by choice.
Now married my wife and I just had our first child. My wife made it clear that she would not tolerate grandma being around the child if she knew she had been drinking. She now too has zero trust that at any moment grandma may have been drinking without anyone knowing about it potentially physically endangering the child or emotionally with the toxicity of the disease. My dad and I confronted my mom on the matter about 6 months ago explaining the situation. My mom had very little to say back other than "she would work on it" only a month or so ago my dad told her that an ultimatum may come if she dosnt get it under control. I too had a private conversation calmly voicing my concern letting her know that there would be zero tolerance situation with her drinking. Well the holidays have come and past now and with them plenty of booze like most families have. My mom this Christmas made sure to have her fair share of drinks and by the end of the evening was defiantly drunk.
I dont know what to do because I am very heart broken by the situation. I am an only child. This will be my moms only grandchild (or children if/when we have more). I love my mom very much, and I have expressed that to her when I have talked to her and how much this disease can affect her self as a person BESIDES everyone else around her. I told her about how I visited an AA meeting and talked to a number of people there and expressed how so much of the meetings are focused around God, someone she is very close with. But now its to the point where I dont know where to turn. I am very afraid of what a strict no contact ultimatum might bring until she chooses to seek help and accepts that she has a problem. I really do not know how to tackle the next step, all I know is, it is heart breaking for me, and I know it is heartbreaking for her as well when she cant see her new grand daughter.