Hello there! You can absolutely do this and have a lovely sober holiday. I get the self-hatred and I still struggle with it at times. I didn't even think I could do it either but every journey starts with a single step; as you keep walking the sober days start to accumulate, and it feels really good. I want you to have this feeling, but you have to want it more. Wishing you a sober Christmas, Mylight. It is so worth the effort. Don't give up.