Originally Posted by Cleopat

Hi there, I have been in a relationship with an alcoholic for 13 years, I only realized he was an alcoholic about 5 years ago. I still feel a little stupid for not figuring it out earlier.

At that time he would go out drinking with office friends and I would make dinner by myself and wonder where he was and become angry when I was in bed alone, worried he would drive drunk or be arrested or worse get into a fight.

After many fights and heartbreak and flowers the next morning, he agreed it was a problem and stopped going out without me and promised to never drink and drive.

Unfortunately I took a few more years to realize it wasn't the friends influencing him but the alcohol. He can drink more than anyone I know and "seems" to not get drunk but once he starts he can't stop. After having a number of fights, he agreed to see a therapist and he tried to limit his drinking by only drinking light beer at home.

In the last two years he has "relapsed" a number of times and I only find out by accident (finding half drunk bottles of wine hidden in the garage).

When I confront him, he is upset that I am not proud of the progress he has made and he doesn't understand why I'm so hurt. I try to explain that I am here to support him if he wants to stop but I can't handle the deceptive behavior, I want to be a part of his recovery but he blocks me out. If I say I am loosing my trust in him, he gets very angry as if I should trust him no matter what he does or hides from me because he is so great with everything else in our life.

I dont know what to do now. He refuses to join a program and is determined that it's his issue and he needs to deal with it alone. He won't even talk to anyone else about it.

I feel like I chose to be with him and I should be there for him but that means I will have to give up on what I want in life.