So, I'm 115 day sober and haven't posted anything in a while. Although I do post every day on the 24hr thread my commitment to stay sober for the day. So I guess this Is just a little update from my last post.
Things have been going fairly well for me in my new sober journey. I keep learning how to handle different situation sober and that's rewarding in itself but it can be scary at time to. Living sober isn't just about taking away the drink.. I can only speak for myself, but I need to keep learning new skills and practice them everyday in order to get through the "life" part with out drinking. This can be challenging but I'm doing it and doing it sober is so much better.
Now it's the holiday season, I have mixed emotions about it. I get to see my kids for Xmas eve and watch them open all there presents, I'm grateful for this as it's all about them during xmas and watching them smile is the best gift of all. But... I'm feeling horrible that on xmas morning, some other cowboy will be with my kids opening up gifts from Santa. This has me feeling a bit down in the dumps, actually it hurts, it hurts to think about it. It brings tears to my eyes. This is something that has probably sat inside me unresolved for a few years now, as I always stuffed these emotions with alcohol and ignored them. Now.... These emotions get to come to the surface, and they don't feel very good. Lots of tears, but I look at them as tears of healing.
I use my sponsor regularly, and had a great chat/cry with him about this, as he can relate as he reflected back on when he had to go through the same thing. It felt good to share with another alcoholic how I was truly feeling. I thought I'd express it on here to, just to double up my efforts and share with others. As more days pass in my sober journey, I realize how little I truly know about life and how much more there is to learn.
For now, I'll keep doing what is working for me.
Going to meetings regularly and sharing (I'm actually chairing meetings now
. My 1st one was last week and boy was I nervous but It went well.
Talking with my sponsor regularly, very important for me during this time of year.
Continuing with my daily prayer and meditation
Practicing the 12 steps and principles to the best of my ability
Logging in on SR everyday
I'm trudging the road of happy destiny, not always happy but better than the alternative.
Thanks for reading all