Welcome Nectarine, I hope you overcome your problems and beat your addiction. I feel that I was a bit like you when younger. My life was one endless party or so I thought. Looking back I now see how many important things in my life simply passed me by or I was in too bad a state to deal with them properly and humanely. It fills me with regret and motivates me to make amends. I'm pleased you've come on here and bravo for attending AA!