"I told him that I was pursuing expert counsel on how to talk to our kids about his alcoholism which made him furious."
Bless you for this! So what if he's furious? Minor's feelings need honest guidance, before protecting the alcoholic adult's ego!
I sure knew something was wrong/different about my family when I was 6, I wish someone, (would've been awesome if it had been Mom) any sober caring calm adult, had named what was going on, had been available to talk about it.
It would've saved me and my siblings a lot of angst, confusion, fear etc. And I've always wondered if my brothers had known literally and honestly what was causing all the insanity in our house if maybe they wouldn't have become alcoholics - maybe...maybe not, we'll never know. :-(
Once my Dad was recovered for a while he talked openly about alcoholism, answered any questions, didn't shy away from honest (even painful) discussions. That's how I learned what true recovery looks like. I was an adult by the time he opened up, so as helpful as Dad's honesty was I still had to (have to!!) work so hard on repairing my messed up faculties from that childhood dynamic of secrecy and avoidance of reality on the part of my parents and all the adults around in our family.
I did learn that having specific language to talk about difficult topics, and being able to name feelings really gives me strength and clarity and the ability to work out ways to cope.
Peace,
B