Thought I lost mine as well. Then, one day I was clearing out a big old bunch of regrets and resentments (doing my step 5 with my sponsor) and found it scrunched up and sorry under them. Once they'd gone and I started nurturing it again it soon started blooming again and producing fruits of the spirit I never knew I was capable of - love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,. And the thing with those fruits is that as we give them, we receive them ourself in a way that I certainly never expected - because I always just waited for other people to give them to me before I suppose, and so never gave myself an opportunity to understand or experience it to learn.
What are you doing for your recovery John? Do you think its possibly worth adding something in?
Wishing you all the best.
BB