Originally Posted by
KG77 
Ive admitted i have a problem. Ive surrendered to the fact that i have no control over the alcohol, it has control over me... i am in iop. I am taking meds that are SUPPOSED to help with cravings. And yet i still keep doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. Insanity. I feel stuck. I knew i was going to drink last night, yet did nothing to stop it. Told myself its different this time. How many times can i be proven wrong before i "get it"?
These are reservations similar to what most folks have when they reach the crossroads of sobriety. Reservations are the bullets with which we play Russian Roulette on our sobriety. Until I removed ALL the bullets, eventually the circumstances or my attitude were such that I drank again - often in a matter of a few days of my latest attempt to get my life back.
I absolutely HATED the concepts of powerlessness and surrender. It took a lot of wrong turns before I accepted that I could not drink, and became willing to do anything to get sober. The reality is "anything" usually isn't all that extreme, but it must be an absolute. You have to be willing to make any adjustment to avoid the first drink. It takes time for our lives and thought processes to turn around, but until we are willing to commit to sobriety every day it is impossible to get and stay sober.
I know how hard, scary, and foreign this seems. You will have to take it on faith that the effort will be worth it. Find people who have done it, surround yourself with them and the things that feed your soul, and do what they did to get sober. Miracles do happen, one day at a time.
If I continue to do what I have done, next Friday will mark eight years for me. Nothing would make me happier than to have you join us in this journey.
Best of luck KG, please stay in touch.