I've listed my relapses in my signature because some folks seem to judge us by our length of sobriety.
That stigma of restarting counting days is good and bad. Good because it adds to the accountability. Bad because when folks know they are going to reset their clock anyway, they overdose and draw out the drunk...maybe a week or longer.
Those binges do hellish damage to our brains. I was a huge binger in the end. I would go 3 to 30 days w no booze then drink for a few days straight.
It seemed like each relapse caused the recovery time to lengthen. In the end the hangovers seemed to last forever. They would not go away unless I drank again.
Basically, being drunk was the only way to feel normal.
I am still getting used to feeling normal. My emotions are real. While sometimes I feel like a wacko when faced w awkward situations, I love that I am stone cold sober dealing w everything.
I unknowingly gave up sobriety as a small child. I was an addict before I was a teen. It got worse and worse.
I crave all the time, but I love dealing w life sober. I was able to exercise for over 2 hours yesterday. When I was a drunk, that was impossible.
I hardly get sick anymore. My patience has improved 100%. I obsess, but not like before.
I had to go through hell to get to this state of grace. The suffering was unlike anything I ever dealt with. It lasted well over a year.
I still suffer today, but I am used to it. I believe that is sober life and I want it.
Once we get physically clean, about a month or so, it is all about healing and dealing.
Dealing equals suffering. We suffer because as addicts we know that temporary euporia awaits, but the price we will pay for that ephoria is hell on earth.
I believe that when the physical and mental pain of recovering from a relapse is too painful, that is when many are able to quit for good. Until then, we continue to be active addicts.
Thanks.