Fixing things doesn't mean you have no cravings. It means that you can acknowledge the cravings and not act on them. They decrease in frequency but don't necessarily decrease in intensity. There are many cognitive tools that I learned to help me do this with my cravings.
Ah. Coke, alcohol, and nicotine. That unholy trio deeply ensnared me for quite a while. It's the perfect synergy of mind-numbing euphoria. They are strongly connected to each other for me.
Drinking doesn't necessarily lead to coke, but coke 100% leads to booze, and lots of it. If there's coke around when I'm drinking, some lines would definitely come my way, and then escalate. Coke kept me going and partying all night, where if I'd just been drinking I'd have been passed out hours beforehand.
It's also a perfect storm of horrible consequences and addiction.
Serious cokeheads are a scary group. Partying turns into a strange and scary vampire world from about 1am to dawn, especially if smoking rock is involved, but snorting powder can take you there too.
You know when you stop doing coke? When it's gone. Then when it's so late that even your dealer is asleep and you can't get more.
I was unemployed and doing coke, I was like flypaper for freaks, attracting people who were toxic and even dangerous to me. Lots of high risk and meaningless casual sex too. It's amazing I came out of that period HIV negative.
Such a horrible world.
You're lucky to be free of it. There is terror and disgust when I look back on the coke/booze/cigs days, and the dabbling that happened until I finally stopped all substances on May 9 this year.
I could relate to the stories in CA more than those in AA.
But either would be helpful to you, as would any kind of rehab program. I did inpatient followed by outpatient, and AA/CA for a while (may return at some point). ALL were really helpful in my still-early sobriety.
Thank God you're here. And getting off the devil's merry-go-round.
Use all the resources to which you have access, including this forum. Get sober, then make a specific plan to stay that way.
Life is so much better without stupid and pointless addiction hanging over you.