Silverback4

Now I am sorry if I sound harsh..... the reason you do it is because you are ill, plain and simple, that is what it sounds like.
You are suffering from alcoholism which is termed closely with the word insanity.
Your logical thinking is correct for a non alcoholic. If something is bad for me or history tells me it will and can go wrong then I won’t do it.
Sounds easy right?

We don’t think like that and can find ourselves continuing to make the same bad decision that took us down a black whole over and over again in the past.
A perfectly logical, responsible and great person can have all sense go straight out the window when booze is involved if they are suffering from drink addiction.
Focus on what you CAN do now, you can decide not to pick up that first drink!