oh my god that was painful to read. sweet jesus do i know what you mean! i don't know what to tell you--i've been quitting and substituting and then going right on back for so many years now...
no, i don't think you're fine. i think you're in trouble. because i was just there three weeks ago with the fantasizing and the cold medicine and whatever else i could get my hands on. and now i'm rioght back here with a few days worth of H left, no money and so little care to even try anymore.
do something now--ask someone for help now. maybe you will get over this little bit too and everything will be fine. or maybe it won't and waiting will be fatal.