Two Years - The Gains Are So Much Greater
Today I am fortunate, humble, and happy to be quietly celebrating two years of sobriety.
Two years ago, I couldn’t comprehend the idea of giving up alcohol. I knew I had a problem and I knew that it was getting worse, but I didn’t want to admit to myself that it was beyond my control to fix or that I was truly addicted. And I most definitely didn’t want to admit these things to anyone else. I knew that once I admitted my problem, I could never go back. I would – I knew – be labeled an addict for life, which meant I could no longer justify my drinking to myself or to those closest to me. And that wasn’t just scary to me, it was horrifying. Frozen in fear, I spent years drinking while promising myself that tomorrow would be the day. I rationalized my drinking or my decision to wait until tomorrow, slowly wasting my life away, and ever so steadily building that addiction.
Two years have passed. And I do miss it. I miss escaping the stress of my day with a few drinks. It feels as though I’ve lost a friend, a very unhealthy one, but a friend nonetheless.
But there are a couple of big truths that go along with this loss. First, while I miss drinking at times, I don’t miss it most of the time and it isn’t nearly as big of a loss as I expected it to be. When I contemplated quitting, a life without booze was the biggest thing in the world. “How can I survive without at least the occasional drink?” was a pervasive thought. The reality is that it just isn’t that big of a deal.
Second, what I could not see when I started this journey and what should give great hope to others, is that, yes, I lost a friend, but I gained so much more. The small stuff that I gained is being hangover free, not embarrassing myself, and benefits of that nature. The bigger stuff I gained was a much deeper sense of person freedom and other emotional/psychological gains. But the biggest gain of all is this: I overcame the largest personal roadblock that I have ever confronted and, in doing so, I know that I can accomplish anything that I want in this one precious life that I have to live. Overcoming addiction is not just about containing this devastating disease – it is about opening a world of possibilities.
You read about people who overcome some personal issue in their life and then go on to accomplish some great feat in another area of their life. That happens because overcoming that huge personal obstacle proves to them that they can overcome any other obstacle that is placed in their way and also provides them with the skills to do so. That’s you and me and everyone on this board!
My journey is still in its infancy. It is a slow but steady transformation into the person that I want to be. I still fail. I still deal with the consequences of my addiction. I still struggle. But I know how to overcome adversity and I know how to climb the highest mountains. I set goals – big goals – and I steadily move towards them. I’ve accomplished some awesome things in my two years of sobriety, but my biggest goals are still out there. I will get them. When I do, I will know that giving up my old unhealthy friend played the biggest role of all.
This is an amazing journey that I am on. For those who are just beginning and those contemplating it, open your world to the possibility that ending an addiction is not just about giving something up; it is about a transformational change that will bring so much more to your life than what was lost.
Good luck to all. Cheers!