Originally Posted by
mrrryahj 
I can really relate to your post, although it sounds like I am much "newer" as in I have less time in sobriety than you. I've heard a doc assessment and meds can work wonders for certain individuals; their only regret being that they didn't seek medical help sooner.
For me I think it's a combination of things. Abusing my brain with alcohol and heavy drugs for so long set this level of high which I can't achieve in a sober mind state. I masked and buried so many painful emotions and memories with alcohol and drugs and now they all need to come to the surface and I have to get through them. No more shortcuts by numbing out, if that makes sense.
But "years" is a long time to suffer from depression, even mild. Is it trigged by a paricular thing? I know for me, loneliness really sets off my depression. So does not feeling like I have a purpose - some existential yearning. I feel empty inside.
I'm feeling that way right now, so posting here to lessen the loneliness. Looks like you're doing the same. Don't know if anything I said was helpful but I hope it gets better for you.
I was on an add med strattera but I was abusing nicotine and caffeine and the combo triggered PAWS. This abuse went on for a year and so far it's been two years. I also have dry mouth that comes and goes. I can't sleep right now as I'm writing this. Usually I get triggered by stressful events like the holidays and work duties. I just want to sleep again and I'm worried if I go on something it'll make it worse. I can't have caffeine at all as it makes my symptoms go off the charts. I hate myself for my decisions but what am I gonna do. I want to just give up on life some days not that I would but I feel absolutely just sick of being a crappy insomniac that's tired and can't focus.
I did go to the dr at one point and he wanted to put me on an antidepressant. I'm afraid it'll have a stimulant effect like caffeine and make the insomnia worse but who knows maybe it's worth the risk. I wonder how long this has to go on.