Very powerful post thank you. I could have written this a few times in my 20s and early 30s
I don't know how old you are. I'm 43 and can so relate. The potential relationships that didnt go beyond dates 1 or 2 were one thing because of my drinking but the sheer devastation of losing very serious relationship 2 in my case because of my drinking are were difficult to come to terms with.
As I got older and as I got sober (I had a 3 yr stint sober )I learned that men jut won't put up with women who have a drink problem. I was reckless dangerous angry depressed emotional unstable embarrassing desperate and he just never knew what I'd do next.
My heart was broken and I wanted to die but time did heal. I look back now and realise the relationship was dysfunctional and I wasn't emotonally ready for it I needed to get sober and work on myself. It took me years to face up to things and I wasted so many good years.
Please don't waste anymore time. One thing is for sure and I'm telling myself this even now as I'm back in early sobriety. If I don't stop drinking this will happen again.
I'm sorry for your pain but promise by stopping drinking and working on repairing you self you will feel better