Ugg those questions, Soulful...so difficult.
I would say you didn't waste all this time for a couple reasons.
1 - There WERE good times. That's why we stay!
2 - Just consider that you needed the experience for your life. The ultimate outcome is that you WILL find yourself again, and that you HAVE changed from it all.
Was the whole relationship fake? I grapple with that one too. I'd say that while neither of us could love eachother authentically, or in the right way...that there was love, and some happiness.
I trust that one day we will look back and understand that we took the road we took because we needed to. It made us stronger. And I don't know about you, but it made me finally love myself enough to ensure that I will create a life of peace and happiness, and that is absolutely priceless.