Hi stargazer. Glad you field tripped over to us!
The thing is, you are not abandoning her. She has AA, and SR. There are people here to support her, all the time, 24/7.
The thing about recovery is that you have to want it yourself, and be willing to work for it, daily. If she wants that, she will recover. If not, it's likely she will not.
The analogy you said about the mask is correct, one I have used myself. The best thing you can do for yourself, or anyone else, is to stay sober.
Wishing you all the best!