Thank you Suze, JSM, Tomls, Jenuk, Dee, Jo, Nic & Delilah! And to every single member of this site because without YOU, I wouldn't be here.
I am so proud of myself for being here today- for being sober and for choosing to LOVE myself for once and for all. Is my life better, easier, less challenging? Yes and no. I don't have the self hate, physical pain of hangovers, shame, and anger that comes with drinking. But man, life is still messy, complicated and I'm still crying a lot. However the awful mood swings that come with early sobriety are easing up a bit. I had a good week last week but a pretty bad week this week. However, it's better than the daily ups and downs I was feeling this summer.
We are having a very hard time with our 6 year old. He has me in tears just about every day and his behavior is both alarming and disheartening. We met with his therapist on Wednesday and Monday will be his first true appointment with her, without me in the room (play therapy.) I never in a million years thought my sweet, adorable little boy would have so many emotional problems and yet here we are. I am working so hard on not reacting to his madness but
my God it is hard. I have started whispering instead of yelling when I feel my blood pressure rising- today will be day #2 of this personal challenge and I'm hoping with time it will become second nature.
We are going to get our Xmas tree today- looking forward to that
I had another drinking dream, and a dream about my toxic ex- he keeps popping up lately so I think there's some baggage that needs clearing. I woke up with a splitting headache too so I'm wondering if the headache caused the dream? It's all so weird.
I bought a book a couple years ago called The Emotion Code- it's all about releasing trapped emotions. I never committed to doing it but I heard a podcast about it lately
(check out Your High Vibration Life in iTunes and The Emotion Code episode) and I am ready to dig out the book again and try. I am convinced I have a lot of anger trapped in my body and I want to find a way to release it and move forward.
I have started doing Kundalini Yoga again and walking meditations. I also bought some pastel pencils the other day AND I have started looking for part time work. It's time to get out of this house and do something for ME regardless of how scary that seems right now. My therapist recommends it as does my husband and I know that I am not happy being a stay at home parent.
So much going on it seems- Despite all the chaos I am sober. I am in tears right now thinking about how all it took was getting through
one day at a timejust to get to this point. If I could just help those struggling get through one more day, it makes all the difference in the world. Suddenly you look back and POOF- it's been 7 months since you poisoned yourself and look at how amazing that feels!
I am a bit overwhelmed this morning. I wish I could share this day with my husband or family but they do not know my sobriety date. I did tell my Mom I stopped drinking and she is proud of me but I did not get into details about it. My husband has never asked me my sobriety date. Anyway, this is all irrelevant because I have all of YOU to share my feelings and pride with.
THANK YOU TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU - I would not be here with you.