Linners,
Congrats and welcome to the biggest club no one ever wanted to join! I too knew I had a drinking problem. I too wanted to get off the merry go around. I too struggled with saying, "I am an alcoholic". Read chapters two and three of the big book over and over. You will see it's about YOU. I struggled the first 7 months because I didn't understand what an alcoholic really was and I didn't want to give up drinking because I thought I would lose fun. Haha, I was in the pit of misery and drinking too me there but I was afraid of losing that. Anyway, I have broke down why I am an alcoholic to two concepts. One- if I have a beer or two, then I will trigger craving and will not stop drinking until I pass out or run out. Two- if I start back up, then when I don't have alcohol in my system I will be obsessing about drinking until I pick up again.
The 12 steps of AA is the program that relieved me of my obsession to drink and as long as I don't pick up then I can't crave another drink. I suggest that you check out different types of meetings. If you happen to see someone that has that special quality of "they have what I want" then ask them to sponsor you. I tried to work the steps alone for a few months and it didn't work. Plus you having a sponsor is helping that sponsor to remain sober.
good luck and keep coming back