Thanks everyone. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in the terrible rut I have been in. Today is my starting point. I did have a sponsor I got all the way to step nine. Being on the road for work is tough, but I’ve allowed my loneliness while away from home to justify my drinking. Reading what I just wrote is really pathetic. I have stayed in contact with my sponsor and he encourages me every time I talk with him to get back to AA and get back to work on finishing the Steps....I think I’m ready I am so tired of feeling like **** and living a lie. My wife and everyone I know back home thinks I no longer drink, because when I’m home I don’t. Got to get to a meeting today and start again