Hello and welcome.
When I was younger I always had three or four girlfriends going at the same time. I cared about tem all, but I was not meant to be a monogamous person. That's just the way it is with me, although I've changed now in my old age.
Two of my girlfriends dealt coke. I did a lot of that and drank like a fool. Well, the fool I really am.
Looking back on it now, I realize I liked these girls but I used them for what I wanted.
It was extreme self-centeredness. It was all about me. My drink. My cocaine. Sex to pleasure myself.
I didn't really, deep down, care about anyone except myself. My next buzz. My next drink. The sex. It was all about me.
I've changed in my older age.
But I want you to know I understand where you're coming from.
Take a look inside yourself and maybe you'll see how my life was, reckless fun and sad. I satisfied my own desires and used good people to do it.
Again, it was all about me. Extreme self-centeredness run rampant, and man, I tore things up. All through my twenties. It was fun at the time.
Then came the alcoholism.
I could go on, but I hope you get the gist of what I'm writing. I was in it for myself and I didn't care what hearts I broke, or people I used or anything else.
It was like a party that I didn't leave for ten years.
Best to you. I lived like you and can relate. You're not alone and amends and recovery are possible.