surrender completely that you can't ever drink again. It is not an option for you. NEVER EVER AGAIN!! Once you surrender and accept that, then your sobriety will mean something. Until then you will always wonder, ponder, hope that someday drinking is an option and it will become one eventually. You're intelligent which means you know how to think and think often. You will think yourself into a drink sooner than later. Therefore, surrender and throw in the towel on drinking.