am,
You are exactly right, He is the one with the drinking problem, so why am I on the forums seeking help. Every one of us feels that way. The issue is that he doesn't have a problem with his drinking, you do, so its really not his problem to fix, it is yours. He is over 21 and is legal to drink. It is legal for him to drink himself to death, which addicts do everyday.
There is a saying on SR, something like "You can always see an alcoholic family by the crazy sober spouse". This is the part of the "family disease of alcoholism", it is not only about the addict. It makes the family members crazy and we are not the addict.
Do your homework. See if this is what you want in a year, two years or 34, like I did. Its not fun and just like Dandy said we are all damaged in some way by our addicts.
I look at my kids and see one child "the peace keeper" and the other who is angry and despondent. I am not proud of how I "survived" my life with my addict, would I have done it different, absolutely. I would have never subjected myself to years and years of mental abuse, I would have known better to get myself and kids out earlier. I wished I wasn't so "strong" and fought tooth and nail to save a sinking ship, because all it did was take me down. Now I fight every day to be seen and heard and speak my voice. But yes, I have been forever changed by what this man has done to me.
Take care of you and your kids. He is a grown man and doesn't need someone to tell him what he should or shouldn't do. We all have choices in life, if he chooses to drink over your marriage, kids, or job, it is out out of your control. Hugs!!