Berrybean

Okay. So this month you focussed on the paying the bills bit - and Hopefully you can carry that on every month to minimise the potential for chaos.

But, more importantly, what do you intend to do NEXT time? What is your plan? Can you really not see anything you could have done differently? What about the...

Meetings (even if you go on a road trip for one a bit further away each payday. That could be quite a fun was to stay out of mischief.
Talk with your sponsor.
Prayer and / or meditation.
Avoid crazy people (one in particular) like the plague.
Gratitude lists.
Don't take the first drink.
Don't go near slippery places.
Post here BEFORE you drink and wait for people to respond
Listen to speaker recordings
Phone a friend
Get a date / volunteer commitment / one to one meeting with your sponsor or an AA buddy lined up for straight after work on payday ahead of time.

Thing is, none of the above are new ideas to you. They're just things that don't appeal to you, or scare you, or your AV talks you out of doing because there's easier and funner stuff to do, like drinking and lowering your morals with a neighbour who you have a history with.

I must say, every time you mention your neighbour / ex / friend bloke i get the same mental image in my head as i do for the devils apprentice when i read the screwtape letters. You should read that book sometime. It's kinda bitter-sweet funny.

Anyway. You know. We all have choices to make. We all gotta decide how much we want to be sober and how much we're willing to change in ourselves, our lives and our habits in order to get that. My choices and ways of doing things aren't necessarily going to be what suits other folk. But you know, this has been going on SO long. All the payday debacles, and on and off with the guy who you class as a friend (although he seems to put his own jollies above something as important as your principles and happiness, so I'm not sure just what kind of friend that makes him).

Bottom line is. If you want your life to be different, you gotta be willing to do something different. And yes, that will be scary. It will seem like hard work, because everything will be different to what you're used to doing and feel inclined to do. It might seem like you're missing out initially. But it was like that for everyone at first, and then gradually it got better.

It's never gonna just happen by accident, or easily, or without discomfort.

I hope that you decide to get back to sober TODAY, and carry on with it. If you can get to next payday with a month of sobriety behind you, and some new habits forming and some new tools for sobriety in place perhaps you'll be able to push through next payday that bit easier. What d'ya reckon Sweetie?

BB