For me, the disease of alcoholism is just plain cunning, baffling, and powerful. It operates on a completely different level. It drives the sane insane. It takes good people and drives them to do bad things. It takes away a person's maturity, sense of self, and literally destroys them. It's extremely painful to watch as a bystander wishing you could fix it. But you can't.
We can't control the disease. We can't cure the disease. Nor can we cure it.
Our loved one is drowning in quicksand, little by little, bit by bit, screaming and hollering on the way - heck, denying that they're even sinking! I don't need help - I can step out of this any time I want to...
My father is an active high-functioning alcoholic. I haven't heard from him in years. He just stopped - or was it the other way around? Did I just stop trying to keep the relationship going? It sucks to feel like you keep on rowing and rowing and realize the other person is doing jack-squat and the boat is just moving in circles. I sent him a goodbye letter pouring my heart out and wondering if he really didn't want to see me anymore (with not a single indication of why) - that he was suffering and I had seen him feeling so much better when he was beating the disease back. That I believed in him and what an amazing thing it could be if he asked for help and went out and got it. I received NO response. NONE. Which seems to fit your description of immature behavior. This is my father - the person that you would think would bend over backwards for their child - but not mine. His behavior has often been all about himself and no one else. I would not ask for his help when things are hard for me - I just wouldn't. He was physically, mentally, and financially available for me as a child (had food, water, shelter, and he came home after work, etc) - but what was seriously lacking was he never felt emotionally invested in our relationship. It's to the point where I'm confused about how a father should be - my solace is through thinking about what I wanted from a dad, and trying to be that. I work very hard to fix the things I hated as a child for my little one - I'm not completely perfect at it, but I hope that I get better.
Yes, for me, several loved ones behave completely immaturely. Such is the disease. Very frustrating. It's not something I can change and can be quite aggravating. A difficult sibling that I"m sure is suffering from the disease as well told me "I don't love you, you're not my family" when I was trying to work things out with him and told him I loved him and wished him well. And yet, zero of my family members would acknowledge how horrible that kind of behavior is - that it can't be ignored, erased, and forgotten - that's not how it works.
As for replies - I've experienced it myself as well and would take it personally sometimes. Try not to do that. It isn't personal. This particular group has less traffic than others. I will sometimes write on the general family/friends of alcoholics section due to a significantly higher traffic volume there (ie, more chance to get responses and a diverse set of responses to consider).
Anyways, I'm so sorry your loved one is suffering - and so are you. I compare alcoholism to dropping a grenade in the middle of a family -
it doesn't hurt just the alcoholic - it hurts everyone around them -
the closer they are, the greater the hit.
Even if our loved one may refuse to get help, we can at the very least go get help for ourselves. Lead by example and take care of you - do for you what you wish your parent did for themselves.