That's a great picture FBL, and a wonderful story.
Courage, I think you know me better than I know myself sometimes. Thanks for your help and advice. You hit the nail on the head with the ego thing. And you are correct in that not all of the lessons of sobriety are welcome.
Glee, I am glad that you were able to enjoy the holidays. I have lowered expectations and enjoy things much more. There was a time when we brought out the fine china for this meal. The house had to be spotless. Everything cooked to perfection. I would start drinking early in the morning and my wife and I invariably would be arguing off and on all day. Which, of course, lead to more drinking. I like being chill and enjoying things as they are. More realistic expectations don't lead as often to disappointment.
Oh ya, I went to an AA meeting tonight. I went to one in a very blue collar town on a Saturday night and the crowd was kind of the type I thought might be there. I must have heard 150 f-bombs and all sorts of other profanity throughout the night. That surprised me a little, but the stories people shared showed that alcohol has no regard for class, or education or status. It is an equal opportunity destroyer. The building where the meeting was hosts three meetings throughout the day seven days a week, and I might try checking out different times. Or a meeting in a neighboring town. I could definitely feel the support in the room by everyone towards each other, even when calling each other a-holes and whatever. I was the third speaker, and there were three other new attendees there. The original plan was to discuss the second step, but with so many newbies there, the chair opted to discuss the first step. It was a nice gesture to us newbies.
Courage, I am a little hesitant to admit this, but being that this group is very tight and hopefully nonjudgemental I will. I think besides my stress, the holidays, depression, fatigue, and a multitude of other issues affecting me, my relationship with Del has caused me to wobble a bit. She was actually the one that pointed this out to me . For those that know her, you know that she has a lot going on all the time, and it takes a lot of energy sometimes to keep up with the happenings in her world. She hit a bit of a down streak recently, and I think perhaps I followed her down a bit too. She has not gone to a meeting in a long time, and despite my constant urging, has not come back to SR with any regularity. Perhaps the weight of being her only support system caused my knees to buckle a bit. I will discuss this with her the next time we talk.
Please, please, know that I am not blaming her at all for my stumbling around mentally recently. I don't know if she will read this at some point or not. Del has shown me something that I didn't know before and am grateful to now realize.
That being...
My sobriety foundation is not as secure as I thought it previously was. This was a passing storm that shook my house's foundation and now I realize that I need to strengthen the foundation, because, invariably, another, more severe storm will come through and rock my house more violently the next time. Delizadee pointing this out to me is something that I am extremely grateful for, and I will let her know it. She has done a lot to help me through some difficult times, and I deeply value my time that I spent talking and texting with her. She is such an incredibly intelligent woman, and very compassionate and giving mother and friend. I can't wait until she feels comfortable enough to return here on a more regular basis.
Boy, that was long winded. Geez.
Love you all!