I think you have to run on faith to a certain extent Press - and I'm not even talking religious faith...I mean faith that staying sober and working on your recovery will get you to where you want to be.
It's not an easy task and it's a lot of hard work for a while...and the days when you feel least of all like doing something are the days you absolutely halve to make the effort.
whats the alternative really? going back to drinking?
I had a very bad self image and very low self esteem...The only way I got through that was staying sober. Eventually my perception of myself and the world lightened and I began to see I wasn't a bad guy at all but I'd conditioned myself to think I was - it made writing myself off with drugs and liquor easier.
If you're feeling really low why not see someone about it? A dr, therapist?
Maybe ring a crisis line?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
You wouldn't be the first person who'd been self medicating treating depression with booze, Press?
I think you're a good guy and I believe you can do this. Use all the support you can muster until you believe it too
D