Almost drank today
I skipped my Antabuse dose this morning. The day sucked. I always get anxious and down for the holidays. I only have my son one day and I worry I’m not good enough. I went to a meeting that was dismal. Not all meetings are uplifting. The rest of the day I just sank into darkness. I started ruminating on death and suicide. I don’t want to die but it’s hard to feel any zest for life. I knew drinking would make the feelings die for an instant but I also knew I’d feel a deeper loss of hope. Tomorrow I will hit another meeting. Maybe two. I’m not sure. Just glad I didn’t drink. I want to to trudge the road of happy destiny but my brain isn’t feeling rainbows and unicorns.